I'm pretty sure this isn't true, but I don't know if jokes about chid abuse are the best way to start your personal ad. You got my attention, but not in a good way,

I will ALWAYS open the door for you. When I was a kid my dad would beat me if I didn't open the door for my mom. I guess it just stuck

I couldn't be bothered to take decent photos, but you should look amazing. And while you're at it, make sure your genetics are up to par.

Sorry about the pictures. I figure if you can get past my crappy pictures, nothing else should scare you away! :-) I'm really not at all photogenic. …either that, or I'm just downright ugly. (…and, for now, I'm holding out for the non-photogenic explanation! :-) [...] good physical condition's a pretty important factor for my ideal match. Petite, slender, and athletic [...] cute works fine (drop dead gorgeous would also be acceptable! :-). Healthiness is more important than age, but I would like my partner to be at least as young in appearance, and spirit, as me. You being beyond the "hot-looks-for-free" years and in great shape is sexy -- it demonstrates that you've got the lifestyle (or at least the genes!) to stay that way.

For me, this type of thing undermined any chance a guy had of convincing me that he was interested in finding an actual relationship. I mean, I KNOW that most guys (and a lot of girls) will take a fling if they can get it, but I think the mixed messaging can be alienating.

I only like dating one girl at a time so I like relationships. When I choose to commit to a relationship I take it seriously. I like to invest time in a girl and work towards something special with longevity. I might be into something more casual though. It just depends on the situation.

Again I say unto you, have someone else read your ad before you publish it. I know you didn't really mean to say what you just said in that last line.

Hello I am looking for a lady that is between the ages of 26 and 32 to start out as friends first because I think all great relationships start out as friends.I am very down to earth and easy to get along with. I would tell you more about me but then I would have nothing left to talk about.

I see at least two things here: a missing negative in the first sentence, and the sentence at the end which makes no sense. And what's going on with the prison reference?

Sorry, but I can just jump in bed with a guy that I am not in love with, unless he can get me really really drunk and is an excellent lover. It has not happened yet, so I hope your a smooth talker with a big heart. If I dont do this I wont meet anyone because I work in a prison. I am pretty much a homebody who likes to garden and cook and listen to music. I have an old mountain bike and a sailboat that is too big to sail alone. One of the reasons I dont like to leave is I hate to wear clothing.

I'm not sure what type of points he's trying to score with this intro, and I'm not sure what kind of woman would keep reading, but at least he's getting it out on the table.

Nothing I can say in this space or the next should suggest to you that I am not an altogether boring... a frequently antisocial... easily sidetracked, easily frustrated young man of questionable ambition.

This one will pretty much cut you as soon as look at you, I think.

I'm a little introverted, but after a few drinks that all changes. I'm very independent, and I don't accept help very easily - that's because I don't need help. You should also know not to waste my time.

Wow. Wow. Wow. Is there a girl factory nearby? Can he request a catalog?

Although the foundation for my match sounds easy, it apparently in that easy to find. My fundamental three things are Honesty, someone who can have my Best Interest at Heart at times, and the big one; Relationship Skills.

By relationship skills I am probably looking more for communication skills because I am very flexible. I let a women make the vast majority of the decisions and an example; it honestly does not matter to me if we eat Italian or Mexican food. Now don’t think that I am not willing to make the decisions, but I would rather not stress about the little things in life.

Beyond this I would like a girl that is interested in going on vacation. This is because I have re-built a number of companies and get a long term percentage of their sales and I will be able to work a lot less next year.

I am not looking for a supermodel, not interested and don’t want the drama that comes along with it. A cute girl with a nice body, who likes to have fun, and has the three fundamental characteristics, is all I can ask for.

I'm not sure why she filled out the profile, then, if she's willing to hear from anyone and everyone. And I think this is the first time in human history that a woman wrote an ad that tries to get MORE responses, rather than trying to prevent all the jerks in creation from emailing her. Perhaps she's new at this.

im sweet n sincere, cute pretty! tempting! responsible! passionate! devoting! im More than in need of a!SEXY! INITIATIVE! LOVING! HONEST! GUY WILLING TO RESPECT A FEMALE! 2 BE MY KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR! more than willing to make me laugh! DONT b insecure if u dont fit the profile DOESN'T HURT TO ASK!

Every once in a while I see an ad that manages to discuss the issue of personal ads, and yet it's still a good ad. This is not that ad. If the first paragraph of every story in a newspaper were like this, you'd cancel your subscription. Get my attention, sir!

The bio and 'what I'm seeking' is difficult to put down, so I'll paste in something I put on another site and perhaps augment it as the words come to me....